Pandemonium
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Richard's LiveJournal:
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| Monday, January 21st, 2008 | | 8:29 pm |
PandemoniumI'm not posting here anymore. It makes me sad. I am running this new site thing to go on with my experimenting with art. And on it I am running a sorta blog thing. It's called hello. | | Saturday, December 29th, 2007 | | 11:44 pm |
wait a minute this is fucking stupid | | Monday, September 24th, 2007 | | 1:37 am |
I feel overcome with imagery, overcome with such powerful emotion that has nothing to do with me or anything or everything. Theres just no explaining it. I see so many things in my head. I feel it so strong. I hear it. Its like electricity humming around in the air about me. It has nothing to do with me, or you, or anyone. It isn't a feeling. It is a thought. It is a dream. Its music. Thats what it is. It's music. I can't think. It's so powerful to see these things to feel these things. I feel absolutely overwhelmed. What is this feeling? It is a grass field at sun down with hundreds of people and families and lovers and children sitting in the cooling grass as crickets sing as they all experience a collectivel feeling of a wonderful feeling of an intense and awestruk wonder as a fire works display echoes over head with eyes captivated at the burts of light as there is a fascinated murmor that fills the silence between the thunderous cracks of explosions. The sights the sounds the feelings the experience everything just everything. Everything. Just everything. Oh my god. I want to have my voice scream with the intensity of holding this feeling and be drowned out by millions of the same voice screaming in celebration of the human spirit. It is everything that I feel. It is crippling. It is terrible. It is wonderful. It is life. How horrible it is to live with this tremendous affection. It is anger love fear desire hate loneliness compassion faith appreciation distrust emptiness and complete and utter disassociation of the attachments of everything as there comes a feeling of oneness and nothingness. It is insanity what I feel. To be so lost in a sea of emotion for people and place I have never met or seen. To feel so entirely in love with the world. It is so sad. It is so completely sad. Love is sorrow. Life is suffering. How beautiful it is to feel so much love and so much life. This is music. This is the celebration of the human spirit. I scream in my deepest sorrow. I scream in my endless suffering. Together we scream. in happiness
| | Monday, September 17th, 2007 | | 11:25 pm |
| | Sunday, September 16th, 2007 | | 8:36 pm |
I'm in a pretty bad mood. This trip to new york was going to be my break from everything. I was really looking forward to it. Instead I spend the weekend with a very uncomfortable illness bored and alone. By the time I feel well enough it's Sunday, where I can head back to a filthy apartment that stinks as all hell and try to manage to study for the several tests I have this week. I mean, I'm not moping about or anything, but it's still getting to me. I feel very incapable of changing my situation and finding release from this.. shithole. I know things could be worse, but I feel like I'm watching these things just pile on top of each other and just increasingly become a miserable situation. | | Saturday, September 15th, 2007 | | 10:31 pm |
I can eat! and stand without falling down! yeeheheheehee!! | | Friday, September 14th, 2007 | | 11:24 am |
Okay so apparently I was in a lot more trouble then I oringinally thought. Very very sick. I was constantly on the toilet and puking into a trash can the other night. Eventually I went to the doctor. I couldn't keep anything down, not even water. They were alarmed at how dehydrated I was, and immediately gave me a liter of saline drip IV and some injection to end my nausea [it really burned]. My parents drove to Orlando and it was all a big deal and blah blah blah. Apparently just the way I looked scared my mom, she said my entire face was whiter then a sheet. Parents brought me home to Palm Bay. The bitch about this is that I saved up $600 to fly to New York today, Friday, to go and see Underworld in Maddison Square Garden with Ethan Grant and Laura. Now I am at home trying to live off of gaterade and jello, resisting the urge to have my stomach explode. Laura still is monofied, so its just Grant and Ethan. Not too torn up about it, but pretty upset none the less. I hate being sick, and right now this illness is preeeeeeeetty sucky. | | Tuesday, September 4th, 2007 | | 10:54 pm |
Being sick makes me feel mesirable, and I'm quite stressed about all my essays. :D | | Monday, September 3rd, 2007 | | 1:36 am |
| | Tuesday, August 21st, 2007 | | 5:11 pm |
Dr. Sadri has effectively scared me shitless about my Middle Eastern Politics class, and I am absolutely thrilled that he's done so. I feel a very refreshing challenge by this class. Paired with my Islamic Empires course, I have spent $300.00 on buying books I don't think I'll ever return. This is going to be a very heavy reading, writing, and mind-fucking semester. I am cautiously optimistic and filled with glee. Lets hope I pass statistics guys, its round two. | | Monday, August 20th, 2007 | | 8:34 am |
fact: it's hard to cut your own hair. Its the new semester. I am intimidated, and unemployed, and cannot afford books. I hope my classes go well, at least. | | Monday, August 13th, 2007 | | 10:50 pm |
| | Saturday, August 11th, 2007 | | 1:13 pm |
It's ma birfday! I got a hackysack, a new harmonica, and a tent; I might as well just become a full fledged hippy. | | Thursday, August 9th, 2007 | | 2:49 am |
everything
I can't sleep. How many times have I realized this? It's been twenty years. It's been long. So many nights have been like this, I've never been able to sleep, sitting alone thinking to myself. So many things I want to say have crossed my mind on these nights upon nights of thinking. I've been sad throughout my life. I've just been so sad. Why? Why do I feel so helplessly alone? Why do I feel so unreachable? It just feels so long that I've felt overwhelmed by everything, not even just sadness, but everything, every emotion I've felt. Every problem I've faced, every problem my friends have faced, every bit of emotion every bit of fear, sadness, happiness, confusion, betrayal, isolation, frustration, anger, hatred, friendship, love, and loyalty I feel it all I feel so strong when am I supposed to feel alright why do I have such love inside | | Wednesday, August 8th, 2007 | | 1:45 am |
I'm having a birthday party at my place in Orlando, if anyone would like to come. Saturday. | | Monday, August 6th, 2007 | | 12:39 am |
| | Friday, August 3rd, 2007 | | 1:40 am |
| | Thursday, August 2nd, 2007 | | 2:55 pm |
Some matinence people were in and out of my apartment replacing the tiling. I had malicious ideas on making their presence as uncomfortable as possible. Many of them involved nudity and or pornography. | | 11:27 am |
I had a strange and very sad dream last night. I dreamt that I was dead, and had left my young adopted [now again orphaned] daughter a long and loving note. The dream was pretty much like a naration of what I said in the note to her, a short biography of my life detailing my family, my interests, how I came to adopt her, and detailing my fatherly love for her. I remember a lot of the note, but only the ending of it remains quite solid. " Your life will be lonely and filled with pain at times, but I encourage you to remain confident that there is love to be found. Do not be afraid to walk in the rain; it will only be once the lights are turned off that you will understand what the sun truly means to you. I hope that your adventures bring you the answers you seek and succeed to diminish any doubt you have of your abilities. Know that you are not alone, and that my love is with you. You will always be my sunshine. Richard Alexander Pemble." How strange to have such powerful compassion towards an imaginary figure. | | Wednesday, August 1st, 2007 | | 1:06 am |
happy birthday becky now you can finally drink! |
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