Pandemonium

dickpemble@gmail.com — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 01:33:19 GMT

Pandemonium
I'm not posting here anymore. It makes me sad.
I am running this new site thing to go on with my experimenting with art.
And on it I am running a sorta blog thing.
It's called hello.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 04:45:18 GMT

wait a minute

this is fucking stupid

dickpemble@gmail.com — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 06:01:07 GMT

I feel overcome with imagery, overcome with such powerful emotion that has nothing to do with me or anything or everything. Theres just no explaining it. I see so many things in my head. I feel it so strong. I hear it. Its like electricity humming around in the air about me. It has nothing to do with me, or you, or anyone. It isn't a feeling. It is a thought. It is a dream. Its music. Thats what it is. It's music. I can't think. It's so powerful to see these things to feel these things. I feel absolutely overwhelmed. What is this feeling? It is a grass field at sun down with hundreds of people and families and lovers and children sitting in the cooling grass as crickets sing as they all experience a collectivel feeling of a wonderful feeling of an intense and awestruk wonder as a fire works display echoes over head with eyes captivated at the burts of light as there is a fascinated murmor that fills the silence between the thunderous cracks of explosions. The sights the sounds the feelings the experience everything just everything. Everything. Just everything. Oh my god. I want to have my voice scream with the intensity of holding this feeling and be drowned out by millions of the same voice screaming in celebration of the human spirit. It is everything that I feel. It is crippling. It is terrible. It is wonderful. It is life. How horrible it is to live with this tremendous affection. It is anger love fear desire hate loneliness compassion faith appreciation distrust emptiness and complete and utter disassociation of the attachments of everything as there comes a feeling of oneness and nothingness. It is insanity what I feel. To be so lost in a sea of emotion for people and place I have never met or seen. To feel so entirely in love with the world. It is so sad. It is so completely sad. Love is sorrow. Life is suffering. How beautiful it is to feel so much love and so much life. This is music. This is the celebration of the human spirit. I scream in my deepest sorrow. I scream in my endless suffering. Together we scream.
in happiness

Gimme Shelter

dickpemble@gmail.com — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 03:26:18 GMT

I drew something for Stephanie.
It was fun.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 00:42:05 GMT

I'm in a pretty bad mood.
This trip to new york was going to be my break from everything. I was really looking forward to it. Instead I spend the weekend with a very uncomfortable illness bored and alone. By the time I feel well enough it's Sunday, where I can head back to a filthy apartment that stinks as all hell and try to manage to study for the several tests I have this week.
I mean, I'm not moping about or anything, but it's still getting to me. I feel very incapable of changing my situation and finding release from this.. shithole. I know things could be worse, but I feel like I'm watching these things just pile on top of each other and just increasingly become a miserable situation.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 02:32:09 GMT

I can eat! and stand without falling down! yeeheheheehee!!

dickpemble@gmail.com — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:32:45 GMT

Okay so apparently I was in a lot more trouble then I oringinally thought. Very very sick.
I was constantly on the toilet and puking into a trash can the other night. Eventually I went to the doctor. I couldn't keep anything down, not even water. They were alarmed at how dehydrated I was, and immediately gave me a liter of saline drip IV and some injection to end my nausea [it really burned]. My parents drove to Orlando and it was all a big deal and blah blah blah. Apparently just the way I looked scared my mom, she said my entire face was whiter then a sheet. Parents brought me home to Palm Bay.
The bitch about this is that I saved up $600 to fly to New York today, Friday, to go and see Underworld in Maddison Square Garden with Ethan Grant and Laura. Now I am at home trying to live off of gaterade and jello, resisting the urge to have my stomach explode. Laura still is monofied, so its just Grant and Ethan.

Not too torn up about it, but pretty upset none the less. I hate being sick, and right now this illness is preeeeeeeetty sucky.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 02:54:20 GMT

Being sick makes me feel mesirable, and I'm quite stressed about all my essays.

:D

dickpemble@gmail.com — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 05:37:54 GMT

dickpemble@gmail.com — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 21:16:18 GMT

Dr. Sadri has effectively scared me shitless about my Middle Eastern Politics class, and I am absolutely thrilled that he's done so. I feel a very refreshing challenge by this class. Paired with my Islamic Empires course, I have spent $300.00 on buying books I don't think I'll ever return.
This is going to be a very heavy reading, writing, and mind-fucking semester.
I am cautiously optimistic and filled with glee.

Lets hope I pass statistics guys, its round two.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 12:36:28 GMT

fact: it's hard to cut your own hair.
Its the new semester. I am intimidated, and unemployed, and cannot afford books. I hope my classes go well, at least.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 02:55:26 GMT

Holy crap, this harmonica Ethan got me for my birthday bends like a motha fucka. I've never been able to freak out on a harmonica so hardcore before.
Here is a loud sample of my whalin harp.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 17:14:17 GMT

It's ma birfday!
I got a hackysack, a new harmonica, and a tent; I might as well just become a full fledged hippy.

everything

dickpemble@gmail.com — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 07:01:50 GMT

I can't sleep. How many times have I realized this? It's been twenty years. It's been long. So many nights have been like this, I've never been able to sleep, sitting alone thinking to myself. So many things I want to say have crossed my mind on these nights upon nights of thinking.
I've been sad throughout my life. I've just been so sad. Why? Why do I feel so helplessly alone? Why do I feel so unreachable?
It just feels so long that I've felt overwhelmed by everything, not even just sadness, but everything, every emotion I've felt. Every problem I've faced, every problem my friends have faced, every bit of emotion every bit of fear, sadness, happiness, confusion, betrayal, isolation, frustration, anger, hatred, friendship, love, and loyalty I feel it all I feel so strong
when am I supposed to feel alright
why do I have such love inside

dickpemble@gmail.com — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 05:45:41 GMT

I'm having a birthday party at my place in Orlando, if anyone would like to come. Saturday.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 04:40:13 GMT

You'd be surprised at how long this took me

dickpemble@gmail.com — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 05:41:29 GMT

dickpemble@gmail.com — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 18:57:19 GMT

Some matinence people were in and out of my apartment replacing the tiling. I had malicious ideas on making their presence as uncomfortable as possible. Many of them involved nudity and or pornography.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 15:35:34 GMT

I had a strange and very sad dream last night.
I dreamt that I was dead, and had left my young adopted [now again orphaned] daughter a long and loving note. The dream was pretty much like a naration of what I said in the note to her, a short biography of my life detailing my family, my interests, how I came to adopt her, and detailing my fatherly love for her. I remember a lot of the note, but only the ending of it remains quite solid.

"Your life will be lonely and filled with pain at times, but I encourage you to remain confident that there is love to be found. Do not be afraid to walk in the rain; it will only be once the lights are turned off that you will understand what the sun truly means to you. I hope that your adventures bring you the answers you seek and succeed to diminish any doubt you have of your abilities. Know that you are not alone, and that my love is with you. You will always be my sunshine. Richard Alexander Pemble."

How strange to have such powerful compassion towards an imaginary figure.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 05:06:12 GMT

happy birthday becky
now you can finally drink!

dickpemble@gmail.com — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 10:27:47 GMT

Yesterday, I saw the coolest movie I've seen on screen. Sunshine.
Today, I have seen the worst movie. Ever. War of the Robots.

Ethan, Dan, and myself went on venture to purchase cheap movies to watch at Wal-Mart. We bought 41 movies and a pack of Jones soda: it was going to be an eventful night. Two box sets of 20 movies each and a single DVD that was remarkably well spoken for its shittyness. With the box set, we calculated that it was $0.25 a movie, and these arn't short movies [about 80 minutes each].

I actively look for terrible movies to watch in ammusement with my friends, I do this often and quite enthusiastically, but... t...this one literally caused everyone viewing it to feel physical pain. I have never felt this angry from a movie. I..just..I just need to do something. I have to do something.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 16:34:13 GMT

ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

i hate worry about jobs and money and everything

Gimme Shelter

dickpemble@gmail.com — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 04:01:44 GMT

I am suddenly SO into The Rolling Stones.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 22:24:21 GMT

Jasmine is now attacking me via text messaging on my cell phone.
I really didn't expect this would happen.

dickpemble@gmail.com — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 15:59:52 GMT

Waking up I feel just as conclusive as I felt last night, but I feel a tremendously deep amount of sorrow and empathy. Apparently Jasmine really is not taking our talk well.
I haven't even told her I wanted to break up and she's already pretty bad. Apparently I slept through a text message at five in the morning, a pretty depressing and desperate text message. She is not well at all, as it seems.

I don't know what to think. I explained to her that I simply was unhappy and unsure of our relationships status, and that we were at a point where any emotional progress is halted until we can resolve this. And now she's more of a wreck then ever.
I feel like I can't even talk to her on the same playing field.

She told me I expect things of her that I do not expect from myself. Is that true? I can't think of instance where it truly is a case where I am just being unfair, but I know there is the chance I am being too full of myself.

I don't know what to think, but all I know is that things are in a bit of a mess right now and I could use some comfort.
While I feel quite rigid and calm, deep inside I am quite sad about the whole thing.